Hello! Hey, it’s Me.

My little problem with control

OK, I’m admitting it.  I have a slight problem with control.  See, the problem is…I must have it all.  I MUST BE IN CONTROL OF EVERYTHING!  I can’t take just a little control, or limit my consumption of control - give me an inch, I’ll take a mile.  I know this is true.  Do I identify my problem?  Definitely.  Can I control it?  Maybe.  Should I seek head-help?  Probably.

I control my kids…for the most part.  But really, they are my children - I have the need and desire and responsibility to “help” them make decisions (read: make decisions for them).  Of course I give them choices and I always look for creative ways to avoid power struggles, but the reality is that I give them two acceptable choices, and I always respect their (acceptable) choice.  If I ask them an open ended question, I have to respect their answer.  Example: “Do you want to take a walk today?”  Answer: “NO”  So I dont’ take a walk.  Alternatively, I might say, “Do you want to color on our walk, or have a snack.”  So see, were talking a walk, but they get to decide what they want to do on the walk.  OK, that was me making a huge “but” excuse for my control problem.  No excuses are good enough.

OK, but back to the control thing…yes, the BIG PROBLEM I have - or “issue” as Delaney would say.  I have a hard time relinquishing control.  It’s taken me a L-O-N-G time to relinguish control even to Chris.  When the kids were babies, I had to be everything and do everything and have EVERYTHING in control.  It was my way.  The only thing Chris and I ever fought about back then was my control issues.  But after all this time, I realize that my way is my way, and his way might not be my way, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t another “right” way.  So one down.  But relinquishing control to anyone else?  Hard times.  Last year, preschool was pretty darn challenging.  This year it’s gotten easier, but still not easy.

I know, I know…I sound like a total freak!  Really, I do give my kids W-I-D-E boundaries, and they do get to make their own choices.  But I’m around.  I’m there.  But I’m working on it.  I know that wearing un-matching clothes, or drinking a juice box, or wearing a diaper instead of training pants, or eating pasta from a can, or having candy before dinner won’t kill them.  I know this logically.  But it’s not something *I* would do, so I have a hard time accepting it.

When I can’t establish control, I feel, well, out-of-control, and I HATE that feeling!  I don’t like not knowing.  I always think of worst-case scenarios.  I can’t help it.  Yes, I’m a freak.

OK, here’s another example…I stayed completely and totally out of Chris’ medical/work stuff from the beginning.  I listened to what he said and offered a shoulder of support, but I didn’t ask questions or do any research or anything.  I just stayed out of it.  I knew that if I took even some information or some control, I’d want to take over.  Same with Chris’ involvement in Spiral Scouts - it is his scouting group, and I completely support him and am so thankful that he has gathered so much support here, but I don’t want any control.  When Chris asked me for my help with his medical/work stuff, I was happy to step in (imagine me as the evil professor standing in the corner, rubbing her hands together and whispering “hehehe”).

So that’s that.  I have a problem.  I admit it.  I’m a little psychotic.  But I’m working on controlling it - SERIOUSLY, I AM!  It might be slow going, and it might not happen until the kids are older, but I’m working on it.

The End.

PS: Let’s not talk about this anymore, OK?  OK.